It Was Jack All Along: Our Adoption Story

I never knew how tiring it would be to parent a toddler, all day, every day.  I’m the primary caregiver… The stay at home mom… The book reader… The cook… The human jungle gym… I am loving this chapter of my life, and of Jack’s life too! It’s just that looking back I think I was a bit on the naïve side. I’ll never forget a conversation I had with my best friend, Jody. At that time she was the mother to just one, and Jack hadn’t even come into our lives yet.  I stated, with the upmost confidence, that becoming a mother would not change my lifestyle.  I would still manage to get to the salon every 6 to 8 weeks or so for a haircut and color. I’d still enjoy regular shellac manicures and pedicures. We would continue to be regulars at our favorite Sicilian restaurant. And I would still paddleboard at least twice a week!   Chris and I would come up with a system, I explained.  While Jack slept I would suit up my car with everything needed for a two or three hour p...

A few days had gone by, and I’ll never forget being at the J.Crew outlet store.   We had a trip planned to Nashville and we were leaving within the week.  I remember I was looking for a denim jacket. I found what I was looking for and continued to browse when I locked eyes with a woman I didn’t know, and she was staring at me. I immediately felt anxious because she was looking at me like she knew. She knew me and she knew what I had done. Of course I didn’t know her but I felt her looking right through me.  You never imagine that when you get THAT call.  The call you’ve been waiting and praying for, that you’ll say no.  You have been matched with a birth mom, she’s given birth to a little bundle of love,   and she’s picked you.  It’s finally your turn, and you say no. Don’t think it could happen to you? It could and it happened to us Easter Sunday 2016. Chris was sick that Easter weekend. We had plans to be with my family, but I went alone a...

So I am officially an aunt again. My lovely sister-in-law gave birth today to a beautiful baby boy. This is just one of those moments where being separated by thousands of miles is just a little harder than most days. I wish I was there so I could go to the hospital and bring flowers and balloons. So I could sit in her room holding her new little one while she tells me how labor went. So I could take her a homemade meal and keep it in the freezer for when she’s too tired to cook. As adoptive parents our hospital experience is quite different. Chris and I were not surrounded by loved ones as we met and bonded with our son at the hospital.  We didn’t have a stream of visitors stopping in to say, “Congratulations!”.  It was just the two of us. With our situation we have a closed adoption. That was Jack’s birthmother’s wishes. So we did not have the added element of spending time with his birthmother. When we met Jack and laid our eyes on him for the first time, we were s...

Lately I’ve been looking through my basement and garage taking mental inventory of things I’m ready to get rid of.  Things to donate or sell, or just give away. Jack’s newborn car seat hasn’t been used in many months. I walk by it every day as I get into my car and it collects dust sitting in Chris’s fishing boat.  We bought it new and it’s in great condition. I’d hoped to donate it somewhere but honestly haven’t gotten around to doing it yet. After wondering for weeks what to do with this car seat I suddenly thought of a friend who is currently going through the adoption process. She and her husband and their two kids are ready and excited to welcome a little one into their family. I sent her a quick text asking if she needed a newborn car seat, and let her know if she did I’d be happy to give her ours.  She texted back, grateful for the offer and quickly accepted. We set up a time to meet at a local park so I could give her the car seat and our kids could have a chanc...

Have you ever heard the expression, Loose Lips Sink Ships ?  Or  maybe the one by Shakespeare, give every man thy ear, but few they voice ?  As an adoptive mom I have mastered the art of knowing when to be quiet. During our adoption process we were paired with several caseworkers throughout our experience, but it was our first case worker, Dawn, who shared oh so many nuggets of wisdom (see previous post on Dawn’s advice dated March 21).   It was Dawn who first expressed to us the importance of protecting our adoptive child’s  story. We heard this from multiple staffers at our agency, it was an integral and impactful part of our adoption education.  It’s one of those things that seemed  so obvious once it was presented and explained to me, but honestly I had not given it much thought before hand.  As an adoptive parent  I am responsible for keeping my child’s social information private.  Any information I have about my child’s birth ...

Looking back at my college years I would do some things differently. Not taken myself so seriously...Enjoyed my friendships more...Maybe even pick a different major.   When I think about my adoption journey, just like those college years, I see some things I would do differently.  I would try so much harder at not taking things so seriously, take the intensity down a notch. I would look for moments of joy, because I was convinced the adoption process was a “joyless journey.”   And I would put more faith in the people around me, because I didn’t trust my circle enough.  In this way, I think Chris and I handled things very differently from one another. He was able to talk to his family, friends, and coworkers about what the adoption experience was like. It wasn’t hard for him to share, and he didn’t mind. People could ask him how it was going and he wouldn’t freeze up or change the subject. He trusted his support system in all the areas of his life.  For me i...