Skip to main content

what's in a name?

It's been months, more than just a few, since writing anything on my little blog. And it's not because there's nothing more to say, quite the contrary! It's just that my days are filled with museum visits and playing with dinosaurs... Building snowmen and watching Jack's favorite movies.

Something we both enjoy is going to the gym throughout the week. It gives me a chance to do a spin class or an hour of yoga, while he heads off to Kids Place where he gets time playing with other kids, and see the supervising ladies who adore him. And it's here in Kids Place where my story begins.

About two months ago Jack and I were hustling into Kids Place, and I was running late for class. As I  checked him in and got his coat off, I overheard two women talking about an adoption that was about to take place of a baby girl just days old.  The 1st Woman was there picking up her kid(s) after her workout, the 2nd Woman was one of the Kids Place supervisors.

Of course my ears perked up immediately as I heard them talking about adoption.  It was exciting to think of another adoptive family in town and at a place we went to a lot. Maybe I should introduce myself? But the conversation quickly took a turn I was not expecting, and what I overheard next floored me. The conversation went something like this:

1st Woman: "Yeah, she's a baby girl and still in the hospital. Her name is *Elizabeth but we are totally going to change it because we don't like it and think it's old-fashioned."

2nd Woman: "Oh yeah for sure.  And that's great you can do that. Plus she's a baby so she'll not really notice you changed her name."

Now, I don't know these women... Maybe they are friends? Regardless of how well they know each other I still can't believe the way they were talking so casually about this precious soul whose life was about to be changed forever. And talking down about the name her birth mother gave her, as if it was stupid or didn't mean anything.

My son's birth mother gave him a name. When she thinks of him on Christmas, and his birthday, she can think of him by name. And when she prays for him, she can pray for him by name. And as I rock him at night, and I pray for HER I use the name she gave him, and my emotions take over. The name given him at his birth is part of who he is. To me it is sacred, something to share with no one. And although we gave him a name of our choosing I could never take that part of him away. It's part of his story.

Adoption education is key to having a positive and successful adoption experience.  

For Chris and I, there was so much we didn't know.  We were so lucky to have an agency who cared about adoptive parents enough to want to walk with us, teach us, and give us the tools needed to live as successfully as possible as an adoptive family. 

As for that new adoptive mom at the gym, I think the lack of education from the adoption agency is apparent.  And I can only hope she's had a change of heart in this area of her daughter's life.

-Kristen

"Thank God for this gift too wonderful for words." 2 Corinthians 9:15


PS....The book, Dear Birth Mother, (a required reading from our agency), played a pivotal role in shaping my heart and thoughts, while challenging everything I thought I knew about the role a birthmother plays in the ENTIRE life of an adoptee. If you or someone you love is an adoptive family, you must read this book!

*I changed the name out of respect for that precious baby girl and her birth mom.  


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

what do you need to surrender?

As a young 20 something bride, I never would have guessed that we would build a family through adoption.   I just assumed my life would unfold in the way I had always imagined.  In my head it went something like this: Go to college  Meet a great guy  Finish college  Get married  Get a great job  Have a baby (I mean, that’s how it goes for everyone right?  🤷🏼‍♀️) I was able to check all those things off my list, but having a baby just never happened. Like a lot of couples out there we really struggled to get pregnant.  Suddenly babies were popping up all around us, friends from college, sisters, neighbors and co-workers.  And of course everyone wondered why we weren’t on the baby bandwagon yet!  “It’s about time you guys had a baby right? Do you want kids? Can you even get pregnant?” {insert polite laugh here and immediately change subject} Can anyone else relate?🙋🏼‍♀️  Everybody was having babies excep...

not sure how to give a newborn a bath? thank goodness for YouTube.

I think for many expecting couples there’s a lot of preparation involved for bringing home their newborn.  Whether it’s classes offered through their OB/GYN or training offered at the hospital, expecting parents have the chance to learn some basic caring skills that many adoptive parents miss out on. Our “nesting” months are spent preparing for homestudy interviews and trans-racial seminars. We’re running around town gathering financial documents and getting fingerprinted. Who has time to learn how to swaddle a baby? Or how to sleep train a newborn? Or how to give an infant a bath? 🤷🏼‍♀️ Thank goodness for my sister (a baby-swaddling ninja 🙅🏻‍♀️) who taught me how to swaddle Jack when he came home from the hospital. After about 20 times I got the hang of it.   But when the experience and advice of friends fell short we did what any other cusp-millennial couple would do, we turned to YouTube. Jack couldn’t have been more than a few days old and we thought, “hey, this kid ...

was I ready for God to answer my prayer? the first time we said no to an adoption opportunity...pt. 1

The first time we got a call about a possible adoption opportunity we were not ready. We were right in the middle of our homestudy process, still checking off boxes on a never ending to do list. I think if you had asked me then if I was ready to become a mom I would’ve said absolutely! I was excited for a child to enter our lives and make us a family, ready to hold a baby in my arms, maybe even ready to actually meet a birth mom (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks!).  Then one sunny day in October a call from my sister changed everything.  I wasn’t surprised to get her call, I had planned a trip to see her in Las Vegas  where she lived and had a flight booked for the following week.  But she wasn’t calling to confirm my travel plans, she was calling about a baby. A baby that hadn’t been born yet, a birth mom who wanted to make an adoption plan but didn’t yet have prospective parents in mind.  A baby that was due within the week. I remember standing in my kitchen moving in slow...