Lately I’ve been looking through my basement and garage taking mental inventory of things I’m ready to get rid of. Things to donate or sell, or just give away. Jack’s newborn car seat hasn’t been used in many months. I walk by it every day as I get into my car and it collects dust sitting in Chris’s fishing boat. We bought it new and it’s in great condition. I’d hoped to donate it somewhere but honestly haven’t gotten around to doing it yet. After wondering for weeks what to do with this car seat I suddenly thought of a friend who is currently going through the adoption process. She and her husband and their two kids are ready and excited to welcome a little one into their family.
I sent her a quick text asking if she needed a newborn car seat, and let her know if she did I’d be happy to give her ours. She texted back, grateful for the offer and quickly accepted. We set up a time to meet at a local park so I could give her the car seat and our kids could have a chance to play. The night before we planned to meet I brought the car seat inside so I could clean it out and make sure all the cushion inserts and accessories were installed, making it new baby ready. And as I was doing this I thought about a meaningful conversation I had with a family friend Memorial Day weekend 2016. A conversation about my fears and feelings about being ready to bring home a baby, and the army of women that would be there to help me, if only I’d be ready to accept that help.
Since our college years Chris and I have spent countless holidays at my best friend Jody’s parents lake house. Fourth of July, Labor Day, and Memorial Day, almost 2 decades of memories made grilling out and boating. There’s never a dull moment at Peggy and Dale’s, and Memorial Day 2016 was no different than the others. Jody’s brother Scott and his wife Sarah and their kids were there too, and as the guys were grilling and taking little kids out for a pontoon ride, the gals were hanging out on the porch with the littlest babies of the family, enjoying the breeze and sunshine. Our conversation turned towards the topic of our adoption, and I began to share with Jody and Sarah the fears I felt about not being ready. How we hadn’t registered or had a baby shower because (for me) it felt weird having a baby shower, and because of that choice I really didn’t have any of the essentials. I had no idea what I would need once I brought home a baby and I was terrified of places like BuyBuyBaby and babies R us. In the sense of having the material things required for bringing home a baby, I felt completely useless. Clueless. And un-prepared. And Sarah’s response to all of that was, “Kristen if you got that call today, or tomorrow, or the next day, we could rally an army of women to help you and give you the kind of support you needed.” When I recount this conversation with my husband or even now just writing, I feel overcome with emotion and how deeply that impacted my heart and spirit. The problem is that I didn’t allow myself to feel the impact and genuine spirit of those words in that moment. As a Jesus follower we’re called to embrace people into our community. Being in community, being relationship with others, reach out and help others through difficult seasons of life.
If I can offer any advice to you, adaptive mama? When someone offers to throw you a baby shower, even if you’re not matched, say yes! Take a mom friend who you love and trust to help you register at the big and scary baby store. And when someone offers to rally around you, don’t let your pride or need to be in control get in the way.
This past Monday Jack and I met my friend at the park, I brought the car seat and a nice winter cover great for cold walks and running errands. I had an infant bathtub too, which she ended up not needing. Now that I’m on the other side I see so much more the importance of having an army of women in my life. And I’m excited that now it’s my turn to be part of the army of women for my friend.
-Kristen
“Serve one another in love 💕”. Galatians 5:13
I sent her a quick text asking if she needed a newborn car seat, and let her know if she did I’d be happy to give her ours. She texted back, grateful for the offer and quickly accepted. We set up a time to meet at a local park so I could give her the car seat and our kids could have a chance to play. The night before we planned to meet I brought the car seat inside so I could clean it out and make sure all the cushion inserts and accessories were installed, making it new baby ready. And as I was doing this I thought about a meaningful conversation I had with a family friend Memorial Day weekend 2016. A conversation about my fears and feelings about being ready to bring home a baby, and the army of women that would be there to help me, if only I’d be ready to accept that help.
Since our college years Chris and I have spent countless holidays at my best friend Jody’s parents lake house. Fourth of July, Labor Day, and Memorial Day, almost 2 decades of memories made grilling out and boating. There’s never a dull moment at Peggy and Dale’s, and Memorial Day 2016 was no different than the others. Jody’s brother Scott and his wife Sarah and their kids were there too, and as the guys were grilling and taking little kids out for a pontoon ride, the gals were hanging out on the porch with the littlest babies of the family, enjoying the breeze and sunshine. Our conversation turned towards the topic of our adoption, and I began to share with Jody and Sarah the fears I felt about not being ready. How we hadn’t registered or had a baby shower because (for me) it felt weird having a baby shower, and because of that choice I really didn’t have any of the essentials. I had no idea what I would need once I brought home a baby and I was terrified of places like BuyBuyBaby and babies R us. In the sense of having the material things required for bringing home a baby, I felt completely useless. Clueless. And un-prepared. And Sarah’s response to all of that was, “Kristen if you got that call today, or tomorrow, or the next day, we could rally an army of women to help you and give you the kind of support you needed.” When I recount this conversation with my husband or even now just writing, I feel overcome with emotion and how deeply that impacted my heart and spirit. The problem is that I didn’t allow myself to feel the impact and genuine spirit of those words in that moment. As a Jesus follower we’re called to embrace people into our community. Being in community, being relationship with others, reach out and help others through difficult seasons of life.
Why then is it so hard to allow myself to be the one who needs help? Allow myself to be embraced by others? Allow others to show support to me at a real important time in my life?
Pride. It gets in the way of so much.
If I can offer any advice to you, adaptive mama? When someone offers to throw you a baby shower, even if you’re not matched, say yes! Take a mom friend who you love and trust to help you register at the big and scary baby store. And when someone offers to rally around you, don’t let your pride or need to be in control get in the way.
This past Monday Jack and I met my friend at the park, I brought the car seat and a nice winter cover great for cold walks and running errands. I had an infant bathtub too, which she ended up not needing. Now that I’m on the other side I see so much more the importance of having an army of women in my life. And I’m excited that now it’s my turn to be part of the army of women for my friend.
-Kristen
“Serve one another in love 💕”. Galatians 5:13
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