It Was Jack All Along: Our Adoption Story

That telephone call was a shot across the bow. It was as if God was telling us that He could drop a baby off at our house at any time with no warning. This realization came to me as Kristen and I walked our dog around the block that night, trying to make sense of what had just happened. I don’t think very many couples imagine they will be saying no when a call comes in that could lead to a baby being placed in their home. The circumstances were somewhat unusual in that the birth mother was not connected to our agency, but was a friend of a friend of a relative. Even so, it wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Our agency told us that on average it would take between 3 and 6 months after our home study was completed before being matched with a birth mother. We had been relying on that timetable and planning accordingly.  As the saying goes, “If you want God to laugh, make plans.” It was during this walk that Kristen and I recognized our trust had been on the wrong thing. We we...

The first time we got a call about a possible adoption opportunity we were not ready. We were right in the middle of our homestudy process, still checking off boxes on a never ending to do list. I think if you had asked me then if I was ready to become a mom I would’ve said absolutely! I was excited for a child to enter our lives and make us a family, ready to hold a baby in my arms, maybe even ready to actually meet a birth mom (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks!).  Then one sunny day in October a call from my sister changed everything.  I wasn’t surprised to get her call, I had planned a trip to see her in Las Vegas  where she lived and had a flight booked for the following week.  But she wasn’t calling to confirm my travel plans, she was calling about a baby. A baby that hadn’t been born yet, a birth mom who wanted to make an adoption plan but didn’t yet have prospective parents in mind.  A baby that was due within the week. I remember standing in my kitchen moving in slow...

I think for many expecting couples there’s a lot of preparation involved for bringing home their newborn.  Whether it’s classes offered through their OB/GYN or training offered at the hospital, expecting parents have the chance to learn some basic caring skills that many adoptive parents miss out on. Our “nesting” months are spent preparing for homestudy interviews and trans-racial seminars. We’re running around town gathering financial documents and getting fingerprinted. Who has time to learn how to swaddle a baby? Or how to sleep train a newborn? Or how to give an infant a bath? 🤷🏼‍♀️ Thank goodness for my sister (a baby-swaddling ninja 🙅🏻‍♀️) who taught me how to swaddle Jack when he came home from the hospital. After about 20 times I got the hang of it.   But when the experience and advice of friends fell short we did what any other cusp-millennial couple would do, we turned to YouTube. Jack couldn’t have been more than a few days old and we thought, “hey, this kid ...

Ordinarily when you go through the adoption process with an adoption agency a social worker or case worker is assigned to walk with you through the process from beginning to end.  Someone you can trust, can ask advice, and rely on for their guidance. During our adoption experience Chris and I went through 3 different case workers. It wasn’t something we did or requested, in each instance the caseworker assigned to us decided to step back professionally to devote more time to their home life and family.  That made for a bit of a bumpy road at times, because we didn’t have a foundational relationship with someone who walked through the experience with us start to finish.  It was our first case worker Dawn who really introduced us to the process and set expectations for what was to come.  It was also Dawn who provided some great advice.  Begin to share your child’s adoption story with them  the moment you bring them home.  Wait...

When Chris and I selected an adoption agency, I didn’t realize how much we needed to learn. We were very fortunate to work with an agency that was committed to educating us not just about the adoption process but what the life of a successful adopted family looked like.   Our evenings and weekends soon filled up with informational meetings, books to read and short essays to write. Sometimes it felt a little like school, hoping to get high marks from the teacher. Having an agency committed to educating us because they are passionate about  successful adoptive families was pivotal. Not all agencies are like that, which is why it’s so important to use discernment when picking the right adoption agency for you (...but, that sounds like a post for another day). Part of our required reading was a book called, Dear Birthmother; Thank You For Our Baby, by Kathleen Silber &  Phylis Speedlin (if you haven’t read it yet, pick it up today!). This book still to this day stands o...

As a young 20 something bride, I never would have guessed that we would build a family through adoption.   I just assumed my life would unfold in the way I had always imagined.  In my head it went something like this: Go to college  Meet a great guy  Finish college  Get married  Get a great job  Have a baby (I mean, that’s how it goes for everyone right?  🤷🏼‍♀️) I was able to check all those things off my list, but having a baby just never happened. Like a lot of couples out there we really struggled to get pregnant.  Suddenly babies were popping up all around us, friends from college, sisters, neighbors and co-workers.  And of course everyone wondered why we weren’t on the baby bandwagon yet!  “It’s about time you guys had a baby right? Do you want kids? Can you even get pregnant?” {insert polite laugh here and immediately change subject} Can anyone else relate?🙋🏼‍♀️  Everybody was having babies excep...

I have never written a blog before. I wouldn’t even consider myself a writer.  But I believe we have a story worth sharing. A story that is meant to encourage someone, and maybe that someone is you.  We know what it’s like to be buried in paperwork trying to complete a homestudy (while trying to keep our sanity intact!).  We know the sadness and embarrassment that comes with  having to say no to a prospective adoption opportunity.   And we know how it feels to meet a birth mom for the first time only to have it fall apart and not work out in the very end.   Despite all of the highs and lows, and all the joys and disappointments in-between, we have seen God’s faithfulness through it all.   We’ve experienced  the joy of bringing our son home from the hospital.   We have felt the love and embrace of our family and friends as they welcomed our child into their family. And we can say without a doubt, it’s all been worth it.  I just want to en...