was I ready for God to answer my prayer? the first time we said no to an adoption opportunity...pt. 1

The first time we got a call about a possible adoption opportunity we were not ready. We were right in the middle of our homestudy process, still checking off boxes on a never ending to do list. I think if you had asked me then if I was ready to become a mom I would’ve said absolutely! I was excited for a child to enter our lives and make us a family, ready to hold a baby in my arms, maybe even ready to actually meet a birth mom (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeks!).  Then one sunny day in October a call from my sister changed everything.  I wasn’t surprised to get her call, I had planned a trip to see her in Las Vegas  where she lived and had a flight booked for the following week.  But she wasn’t calling to confirm my travel plans, she was calling about a baby. A baby that hadn’t been born yet, a birth mom who wanted to make an adoption plan but didn’t yet have prospective parents in mind.  A baby that was due within the week. I remember standing in my kitchen moving in slow motion, listening to her talk, telling me about this friend of a friend.  “So, do you want me to pass along your name? What do you think?”

what.  did.  I.  think...

Oh.My.Gosh.   Our homestudy isn’t complete… I haven’t had the chance to form a wonderful relationship with the birth mom yet! This isn’t how I pictured it… I don’t even have a nursery, or a car seat, or anything!  This is happening too fast!!!

I didn’t even hesitate. I told her our homestudy wasn’t complete, and we just weren’t able to say yes at this time. She of course totally understood, said, “I’ll see you next week”, and hung up the phone.   Honestly I was in a little bit of shock. I just didn’t think it would happen that fast, or could happen that fast.   Chris wasn’t home from work yet, and I just remember standing in the kitchen not knowing what to do with myself.   I saw a bag of powdered donuts on the counter.  You know that feeling when you’ve had a bad day, or maybe a stressful afternoon at work, and you get home and just  want to indulge in a cookie or cupcake? Well neither were available, so I found myself elbow deep in a bag of powdered donuts, and before I knew it I had eaten half the bag.  

The fact that our homestudy wasn’t complete was a major obstacle.  The state we live in requires a completed homestudy for domestic infant adoption,  so because of that there was really no way it would’ve worked out.  But what if the homestudy had been complete? Would we have been able to say yes?  Honestly our home was not ready for a baby. We had nothing.  No nursery, no supplies, no car seat, nothing!   I felt very alone in that empty house, just me and our dog Jonesy. What I really needed was for Chris to come home so  I could tell him about what happened that afternoon, and for him to pry the bag of donuts out of my hands. 

-Kristen 

“We need never shout across the spaces to an absent God. He is nearer than our own soul, closer than our most secret thoughts.”  -A.W. Tozer