It's been months, more than just a few, since writing anything on my little blog. And it's not because there's nothing more to say, quite the contrary! It's just that my days are filled with museum visits and playing with dinosaurs... Building snowmen and watching Jack's favorite movies.
Something we both enjoy is going to the gym throughout the week. It gives me a chance to do a spin class or an hour of yoga, while he heads off to Kids Place where he gets time playing with other kids, and see the supervising ladies who adore him. And it's here in Kids Place where my story begins.
About two months ago Jack and I were hustling into Kids Place, and I was running late for class. As I checked him in and got his coat off, I overheard two women talking about an adoption that was about to take place of a baby girl just days old. The 1st Woman was there picking up her kid(s) after her workout, the 2nd Woman was one of the Kids Place supervisors.
Of course my ears perked up immediately as I heard them talking about adoption. It was exciting to think of another adoptive family in town and at a place we went to a lot. Maybe I should introduce myself? But the conversation quickly took a turn I was not expecting, and what I overheard next floored me. The conversation went something like this:
1st Woman: "Yeah, she's a baby girl and still in the hospital. Her name is *Elizabeth but we are totally going to change it because we don't like it and think it's old-fashioned."
2nd Woman: "Oh yeah for sure. And that's great you can do that. Plus she's a baby so she'll not really notice you changed her name."
Now, I don't know these women... Maybe they are friends? Regardless of how well they know each other I still can't believe the way they were talking so casually about this precious soul whose life was about to be changed forever. And talking down about the name her birth mother gave her, as if it was stupid or didn't mean anything.
My son's birth mother gave him a name. When she thinks of him on Christmas, and his birthday, she can think of him by name. And when she prays for him, she can pray for him by name. And as I rock him at night, and I pray for HER I use the name she gave him, and my emotions take over. The name given him at his birth is part of who he is. To me it is sacred, something to share with no one. And although we gave him a name of our choosing I could never take that part of him away. It's part of his story.
Adoption education is key to having a positive and successful adoption experience.
For Chris and I, there was so much we didn't know. We were so lucky to have an agency who cared about adoptive parents enough to want to walk with us, teach us, and give us the tools needed to live as successfully as possible as an adoptive family.
As for that new adoptive mom at the gym, I think the lack of education from the adoption agency is apparent. And I can only hope she's had a change of heart in this area of her daughter's life.
-Kristen
"Thank God for this gift too wonderful for words." 2 Corinthians 9:15
PS....The book, Dear Birth Mother, (a required reading from our agency), played a pivotal role in shaping my heart and thoughts, while challenging everything I thought I knew about the role a birthmother plays in the ENTIRE life of an adoptee. If you or someone you love is an adoptive family, you must read this book!
*I changed the name out of respect for that precious baby girl and her birth mom.
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